if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do vagina's smell?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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