In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize