what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
