I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
