I hate your face
My first STD was from a foam party
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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