I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
