Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You made out with two different species that night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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