youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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