I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
