"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
