Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
