Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
