there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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