There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
