you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
