i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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