I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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