Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
