I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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