I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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