Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
