If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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