Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
