my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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