Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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