it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize