Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
