I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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