I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
