i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
