So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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