are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
