and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize