In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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