Are we in a gay sports bar?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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