I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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