It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
