oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
