Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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