watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
