tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
