My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
