WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize