he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
