i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
