One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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