none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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