My sheets look like a crime scene.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
