I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
