The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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