a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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