How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So many bounce houses so little time
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
