Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
