I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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