How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
