Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
