shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
