Heybabeimwearingurpanties
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
