A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
