Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
