Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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