we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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