last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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