last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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