his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
