my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
BRING THE BAGELS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
