i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
