i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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