1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
