best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
