I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
