Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What a dumb baby whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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