I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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