got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
