The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
