I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
