doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
