she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
