you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
