Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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