Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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