Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize