Tell her she can't have a vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
