Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
