bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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