the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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