Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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