so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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