I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
