The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
