hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
