I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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