Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
