I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
