im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
smell my finger.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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