i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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