Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
