in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
